Jean Deaux • "Open Letter"

1 year ago today I failed at a suicide attempt. Im still here. This is my open letter, Im only getting better... Lyrics: breaking breaking calling engine number 9 got a caller on the line on the tracks off the 9 i wish i could hit rewind felt i wasted all my time took a walk sitting in the park in the dark couldnt the rain couldnt even feel my heart hello it is me again please do not condemn i been looking for love hoping it was round the bend every moment that i spend tryna laugh i pretend that i happy i need a friend hello karen if i fall can u catch me? i might be back sipping the jack with a beast scratching my at my back he go rat tat tat my mama tell me to pray em all away she say im lead astray come back to church and u might be today call on the lord and hes right on the way ma im tainted he wont take me anyway i aint eat today instead im levitating over the highway hoping i fly way i took some medicine no one can help me now mama im leaving now Im tired of breathing now my mind hates to impose u know i bee heren befor my soul cant take it no more my heart says that its wronge n nobody'ss got to know i might keep it on the low take my body free my sou take my body from my soul

In early 2015, I interviewed Jean Deaux for Viper Magazine and she began the interview by mentioning to me that she had recently attempted to commit suicide. A heavy topic indeed, she spoke on the subject with openness and fearlessness, doing the complete opposite of sugar coating the incident. Throughout 2015, I was able to see Jean Deaux grow and evolve as an artist. She performed at art shows and concerts, she directed music videos, and she delivered plenty of strong musical content. Closing out 2015, she released her Outer Body EP, entirely produced by THEMpeople. She followed up those strong three tracks with "Don't Kall My Name" alongside Smino. And now, one year after her (thankfully) unsuccessful attempt to end her life, she gives us "Open Letter", a song where she discusses her traumatic event openly for the first time. With Monte Booker assisting with the backdrop, this song does no wrong.

I've transcribed the letter below which is used as the artwork, just in case it's difficult to read. Enjoy the song above and if you're struggling through the winter, stay strong, find help, and know that it only gets better. 

One year ago today, I made an unsuccessful attempt to end my life. One year later, I thank God for another chance at happiness, and compassion. I lost myself to dark thoughts and pain. On this day, I am stronger and wiser. Recovery is a long road I underestimated. Beauty is of the beholder because you must be present to be held. On this day, I am beautiful because I am here. I am beautiful because I belong. On this day, I would like to thank all of my family and friends who stood by me and provided understanding. To all of my supporters, thank you for your patience as well. A healthier me means better content to share with you all. And for those lost or on the edge, be strong. It only gets better if you allow it to....let's all kick 2016's ass. I love you all. Signed, Jean Deaux.